God's Plan for Acne

PRAISE JEEZUS!

Med Hypothesis: Is acne really a disease?

Acne's conspicuous localization on the face, and its ability to elicit reflexive disgust and avoidance in observers, suggests a possible role in sexual selection.
...
adolescent acne is a normal physiological process ... that functions to ward off potential mates until the afflicted individual is some years past the age of reproductive maturity, and thus emotionally, intellectually, and physically fit to be a parent.

"Being a poor parent" seems to be a little weak as an evolutionary force. I figure a more compelling method of natural selection would be due to consequences of messing around with the chief's daughter.

Wash. Post: My Blemished Past; Did He Care if His Teen Acne Served an Evolutionary Purpose?

God, being supposedly omnibenevolent, could have no conceivable use for things such as pimples, which caused so much suffering. Ergo, He could not exist. Having banished the divine, I felt briefly omnipotent myself.

Maybe God was just testing him or something.

I think this is the type of theory that drives people into the arms of the Intelligent Designers. Scientists are heartless in a way -- they'll give you the facts without apologising or trying to make you feel better about yourself.

They'll say things like, "yes, we evolved from lobe-finned fishapods," without hugging you afterwards, and saying with teary eyes, "I know how you feel, I wish it weren't true, but it's something we have to live with."

Maybe scientists should take grief counselling courses in university. Then they could surround their theories with apologies, platitudes to make one feel better about themself, and exhortations to "stay strong... we can get through this."


I'm related to that? WAAHHHH!

(All via google.)